On Reflections
... rambling and ranting.
I miss this space. I genuinely miss talking about things I love radically. Unapologetically. Audaciously.
In Edimakuuu's voice, "na when person wakes up been en morning". I woke up in May. Before that, I had a nasty dream. A dream where I finally let go of everything good that ever made sense to me. I gave up on everything that makes me "Obioma Benita". I gave up trying.
The dream seemed too real and proud, daring me to give in. But, I mean, I'm Benita, so.
I decided to do everything but to let that dream come through.
I looked through my supposed "huge" LinkedIn account and pointed out the flaws. Those flaws, I decided to make solutions for. I decided to get my hands on everything I could and make preparations for a rebrand. I bought a course I never needed, all in a bid to save whatever bits were left of my growing LinkedIn account.
It was not just the LinkedIn account that needed a rebrand. No. It was a personal brand thing. It took me the whole of the holiday to learn, unlearn and relearn certain things.
I believe I did come back a better person than I was. More focus, precision, and clarity. I didn't just want to bask in the fame anymore.
Amidst everything, I also remembered I had only one life to live, and if I wanted to 'live', I had to live well. I stopped putting myself in a box. I stopped regarding myself as an introvert or an extrovert. My spirit animal was completely washed out of those constrictions and has been free ever since. Who made the rules that you must completely submerge yourself into 'acting' like a particular type of person?
Next!
"Pressure is artificial, tension is an illusion". I went to a bookstore for the first time in my life. Don't judge me. I was genuinely overwhelmed by the smell of books and I found something that became my sudden obsession; cute scented candles.
I took a truckload of pictures and videos of myself and my friend, Ediomo. That was the best day of my life. Coincidentally, it was almost the worst because my iPhone, which I had saved for months to buy, was taken from me. I didn't even cry and I always made a joke that if I was my phone, I wouldn't even come back to me. Not because I was acting tough, but because there were sincerely no tears left to cry. I had to accept whatever life brought and move on.
Moving on!
I volunteered for a book festival. Genuinely, I never hop on opportunities like this despite the popular knowledge of boosting CV. The truth is that most volunteering opportunities are always a win-lose. But I made peace with the fact that this will be different. And it was. I was involved in a community of book lovers, made friends with my kind of people, and even more, I was paid for it.
I took pictures with Adesuwa Oman and Rosemary Okafor, authors, whose stories hold more powers than it was genuinely rated for.
I met up with my mentor the next day, and aside from the money for the shawarma he sent, something else remains with me. "You never get what you deserve in life. You get what you bargain for."
******
No one ever said 2nd year is very slow and tiring. Well, I don't think anyone could, because they never did a semester for 8 months. School is boring, and whatever fun I decide to spare is left for my jobs to snatch away.
I expanded my genre and understood that a little creative nonfiction wouldn't hurt. I opened a Blogspot account. Why? Because I could. You can read more raw creative works here
“https://obiomabenita.blogspot.com/?m=1”
I also understood that my African fiction tales are really fire, and maybe, just maybe, I will find my niche. But it's all baby steps, ayh?
So, to July, to academic CGPAs, to a rebranded LinkedIn and to quiet tenacities. God bless me real good because I bargained for it.
